New thought help when partner makes comments on how I act or behave


Yesterday my partner said “Recently, I feel like you’ve been upset with me” and this really triggered me – After a thoughts download I realised that the main thought generating the feeling of frustration was “I try to change but his comments are always the same”

My model is
C: BF says “Recently, I feel like you’ve been upset with me”
T: I try to change but his comments are always the same
F: Frustration
A: Defensive, justify myself I’m not upset with him, asking “how can you say this” , blaming him for not understanding me
R: Acting on frustration, getting back to old behaviour, not really “changing”, proving him right

I have been trying to come up with a new thought for this situation as it’s happening quite often , he makes comments and I get triggered and I realised I often have this thought “whatever I do his comments stay the same” or “whatever I do his reaction stays the same”
I know intellectually that it’s my thoughts creating the frustration but I think I can’t come up with something because the circumstance still “feels” true to me

Any idea on how I can start this work ?

Thank you very much !!