No More Babies

I am 45 years old and I have one daughter. I got married at 37 and we waited a year or before trying to start a family. We had a miscarriage at first, but were blessed with our daughter one year later. After we had our daughter, we experienced a lot of stress because of our thoughts about my mother in law’s behavior while caring for our baby (not respecting our wishes, demanding more pay in a rude manner, and hitting my daughter even though I clearly stated on numerous occasions that it was not allowed because we do not believe in spanking our child). After the hitting incident, we immediately disallowed her to ever watch her again while one of us was not present. The childcare centers in my neighborhood were unacceptable because of various reasons. My mother clearly stated that she did not want to take care of her grandchildren, but was willing to do so temporarily for a few months until my daughter started Pre-k since I only work part-time (as long as she was paid for babysitting). From the time that my daughter was born until she started school, my husband and I could not even think about having another child because we were so overwhelmed with the child care situation. Once my daughter started to attend school, I began to feel compelled to have another child because I did not want her to be an only child. This feeling arose because my mother suddenly experienced a major cognitive decline and my siblings and I have each been doing our part to meet her various needs. We tried to expand our family for the past 2 years, but have only experienced numerous miscarriages. I have come to the point of understanding that this will not happen naturally. We have explored IVF options, private adoption, as well as foster care to adopt but none of these options are possible for us because of various reasons. From listening to Brooke’s podcast, I understand that if I was supposed to have another child, then I would. I am not arguing with reality and that has given me some peace of mind. The problem is that my daughter who is now 5 tells me on a consistent basis that she wants a “baby sister”. She wants to know why she can’t have one. She even draws pictures to show me exactly what she wants. I have tried to deflect the conversations, but sometimes it makes me feel sad. I no longer feel guilty, but I feel sadness because she will not have the experience of having a sibling, she will never be an aunt, she will have the responsibility of looking after me and her dad later in life with no help, etc. Here is my model. C- age 45, no IVF, no adoption. T – My daughter will not have the full experience of life and have sole responsibility for her parents because she is an only child F-sad A- change topic when daughter asks for a sibling, find supportive reasons why it’s bad that she will be an only child, cry, buffer with overspending R- ? Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!