Non-serving thoughts


What is the goal for deciding on how to handle non-serving thoughts? Here’s my model:

C: Sister-in-law states her opinions on XYZ
T: Sister-in-law is an ignoramus and her aggressive verbal behavior is unpleasant to be around
F: Threatened
A: Avoid this person, do not attend family functions
R: Family disharmony

I want to change my thinking (and resulting behavior) about this since I would like to learn how to better handle aggressive people. I tend to “freeze” when I am in this type of situation, which isn’t working for me. I would like to find other solutions rather than avoid family functions or suffer my sister-in-law’s company. Instead of trying to believe the opposite of my non-serving thought (“my sister-in-law really does know everything”), how do you select a serving thought? These are the different thoughts I created to replace the non-serving thought:

T: My sister-in-law is displaying insecurity and I am curious why she is choosing to feel insecure
T: My sister-in-law is uninformed and her aggressive behavior is unpleasant to be around, but I don’t care. I can still be here without feeling threatened.
T: My sister-in-law has other positive traits that I will focus on instead
T: I feel safe around aggressive people
T: My sister-in-law’s behavior may be a request for attention or is revealing something lacking in her being unable to discuss ideas in a non-aggressive manner
T: My sister-in-law’s behavior has no connection to the validity of my own thoughts and feelings

What are your thoughts on my possible T-Lines? I think selecting a T-Line would depend on the result I want. Whether I am looking to be able attend family functions without suffering, to be able to “unfreeze” and converse back with her, or some other result. What do you think?