Not able to identify my why

Hi Brooke. I am really enjoying the challenge of the emotions work. I am just having a hard time with the following thought and emotion:
I don’t like having people over at my house. I don’t like having my friends over, my children’s friends, or family. I get anxiety when I know that someone is stopping over. When my kids ask to have friends over, I want to say “no” but say “yes” and then I hate every minute of it. I don’t like it for a number of reasons. One, there is never just one kid, it is always 2 friends or more (twins, brothers, etc.). Two, kids are needy and need things all of the time and then I can’t get my stuff done. I don’t like to be out of my comfort zone and routine (even though I don’t have a strict routine). When extra people are here it means extra work for me. They spill, they track in mud, they leave the house a mess (don’t pick up after selves). I just get bitchy and I hate that I get that way. I want to be loving and a fun host but seriously, it is hard. I don’t even know what I am really “afraid” of. I just don’t like it. I guess I fear germs, dirty hands/feet, and just general dirty. I hate coats laying all around, shoes all over the floor, etc. I have set boundaries for my children and their friends. When boundaries are broken, I get crabby and start to turn into a crabby mom.
I have an average house and so when my friends/adults come over I feel they are judging. I don’t worry about that with my family tho.
So…how do I figure this out? I know you have said that it is my thoughts about the person but honestly, I have no problem with the people until they stay at my house or come over.
I want to be accepting, inviting, loving, content, etc. I am being rude and I push people away/make people feel uncomfortable (probably because I feel uncomfortable).
Brooke, I really want to figure this out. What emotion can I focus on when I know that someone is coming over?