My boyfriend has gained a lot of weight over the past few years and I find I am not attracted to him like I was. I am disappointed in this fact as well as frustrated with him for his poor choices and frustrated with myself for these judgmental thoughts. Here are some models I am working through. Please offer and feedback appreciated.
C- Boyfriend gained 65 lbs
T- I am not attracted to him
F- Disappointed
A- Judge him for his eating habits and lack of exercise
Judge myself for feeling this way
R-I block myself from curiosity and creating deeper understanding
I can ask myself questions like “Why is this a problem for me that I’m not attracted to him? ” “Why do I want to be attracted to him?” “What does attraction feel like to me?” If Im not attracted to him like I use to be it means I am thinking different thoughts.
Here is another unintentional model
C- Boyfriend gained 65lbs
T- I want him to lose weight
F-Frustrated
A- Get pushy with him about eating habits
bossy about trying to get him to exercise
Judge him
R- Allow my boyfriends choices to control my emotions.

My actions are trying to get him to change the circumstance so that I can feel differently about him. If he weighed less I would allow myself to think he was attractive and since I am attaching my emotions to his choices, I am trying to get him to make the choices that would make it easy for me to think a new thought about him. Here I think my emotions are at the effect of his choices instead of being clear that it is my thought about the weight gain that is creating frustration.
Thank for any and all insights