Not Being Invited to Events

Is wanting to be included/ invited to things by a close friend a boundary or a manual issue?

A good friend of 5 years who’m I see/ speak to several times a week has almost never (twice and both times I couldn’t go) invited me to join her at any events involving her other friends/ girlfriend of 4 months (I’ve never met any of her friends/ partner). We meet up one-to-one and do various things which is nice, but often we meet up when she needs advice about something and that becomes the focus of our conversation (hence me saying it could be boundaries?). I must say though she has also been great with me when I’ve needed advice – but I don’t want the friendship to be just about sharing our problems.

I’d like to have more fun with this person and share more of our lives together e.g. talk about our work (we are both in creative industries), go to gigs, events, dinners etc. and I have included her in a lot of events with my friends over the years, but over the last year I’ve stopped doing so, as she would then hang out with my friends separately and not mention it (I would hear it from them), and I felt resentful/ used.

I spoke to her about it a few months ago and her response was just that she cares about me and values the friendship, but didn’t really have a reason for why she doesn’t invite me to things. Recently I’ve tried saying “I’d love to come to something with you at the weekend” or other more direct requests (She knows my partner is gone for months for work and that I’ve been missing her), but she has not invited me although she has been going to events (She tells me afterwards).

I’ve done alot of models around this – initially I had painful feelings come up, rejection, excluded, hurt etc. – but have moved though a lot of that and am now at the point where I’m struggling to find a thought that I feel good about in this situation. I’m assuming your advice would be to love her unconditionally, but I’m not able to get there. I can get to “I accept her as she is and all that she offers” And to be honest I want more!