Not calling my parents anymore

I have decided to call my parents less, because my father triggers me ; my therapist tells me to take time to recover before I work on my relationship with them and I agree, even if it is hard. I am torn between very bad memories and my need for love towards my mother mostly.

Last time I had my mother on the phone, I was not very nice to her, just didn’t wanted to hear her voice.
I have not called them for 3 weeks, I am used to call them everyweek.

The old thought I have is ” I have done something bad not calling them”, the feeling is dread.
I try to pratice the thought “I need to focus on my recovery, for me and my children.” I am more peaceful with this thought, but I keep having flashbacks from my parents, with a lot of fear and guilt for what I am doing. First time I am “rebelling” against them.

Would need your insight because I am feeling the anxiety and dread for several days and they keep coming back, I fear the next time I’ll speak to my parents (I am 41 years old…).

Thank you