After being in scholars for a couple of months, I have finally committed to doing the work every day. I have noticed a trend in my thought downloads that most of them revolve around worrying and being upset about other people’s opinions of me. I worry that people at work don’t think I am smart enough or good enough at my job. I worry my students don’t think I am a good teacher or good at my job. I will perseverate after meetings that I was too loud or said the wrong thing. I’ve noticed that some of the conflict I have with my sister and mother are that I think they are judgmental of me and they don’t think I am fill in the blank for the topic of the moment. It is exhausting. So this is what I have for a general model.
C: work, family, social event
T: People don’t like me, don’t think I am good enough
F: anxious, insecure
A: constantly worry I did the “wrong” thing,try to change my actions so that people will think I am good enough
R: tired and exhausted, never show my true self

I have tried this intentional model, but I have a hard time believing this because I put other people’s opinions as the circumstance:
C: work, family, social event
T: People’s opinions are none of my buisiness
F: indifferent or acceptance
A: act in a way that is true to myself
R: put forth my true self

I thought perhaps I just need to keep working on being ok with people not liking me (the maybe they don’t like peaches thought)
C: work, family, social event
T: People are allowed to not like me
F: neutral
A: act in a way that is true to myself
R: put forth my true self

I am just so tired of constantly worrying and second guessing myself. Can I actually get to a point where I don’t care what people think?
Imagine what I could do if this time and mental bandwidth was not spend on other people’s thoughts/opinions.