I’ve been in Scholars for almost 2 months, I have been getting a lot of “A-ha” moments listening to the classes and podcasts but I am only doing thought downloads and models once /twice a week . I joined primarily for MHO and I’m not doing that consistently either. Right now work is taking up more bandwidth than usual.
But what I’ve started to realize since I’ve been in scholars is that there is always something else taking up my bandwidth that keeps me from focusing on up-leveling my life and taking better care of myself.
And it’s caused me to live in a pattern of staying up too late working too much squeezing in self-care when I can and complaining about how I never have enough time. The work in scholars has helped me to see that I am not managing my time and instead I act as if time has control over me.
I have also observed that I have unconsciously put myself at the bottom of my priority list. I prioritize work, friends, spending time with my boyfriend, over doing things for myself.
I am disappointed that I have not been consistent with my scholars work, I judge myself for not doing enough when I am spending so much money every month. I want this to be different. I believe this is a great program but I can only get out of it what I put into it. I don’t want this to be another personal development experiment that goes nowhere because I start out with momentum and then lose steam. These thoughts make me feel defeated And then it’s easy for my brain to offer me something else to do,” finish this last project at work“, “oh your boyfriend called but you talk to him even though you were just about to work on a model”.
I wish I had a loving parent to tell me what to do so I can stay on track, but then I realized that loving parent needs to be me for me.
I have more experience letting myself down then keeping my promises and goals for myself.
What are some super small baby steps I can take and complete so I can stay on track?
How can I start building trust with myself?