My neighbor and I live in adjoining row houses in a historic district. We decided to get a replacement porch together. We went to City Hall to talk to the historic district coordinator. I believe that he listened more carefully to her than he did to me. In fact, I felt that he was somewhat dismissive when I spoke up and gave the history of my search for a contractor who could get the approval for the work that needed to be done. He told me to focus on the present. I believe my neighbor talked almost non-stop about past problems with handy men and contractors and neighbors not adhering to the rules in the past, but he made no such comment to her. At our next stop, I believe that my neighbor dominated the discussion but I was satisfied with the interaction overall. I spoke on my behalf and the supervisor offered a tentative solution for us. My neighbor and I were both appreciative of the supervisor’s assistance. Going forward I believe my neighbor will dominate the discussions with the potential contractors. I anticipate that I will ask questions that I should know the answer to. On one hand, I believe she has spent more time researching the wood and materials she wants.

I don’t like feeling inadequate. I want to fight this feeling and show up differently. Now that I am considering my situation it has occurred to me if I spent more time I would also be knowledgeable and show up differently which brings me to another issue. My neighbor talks over me. I don’t know if she can’t hear me (I have been told I have a soft voice) or it’s intentional. In any event, I want to not get angry when she talks over me. Can’t think of a good way to raise this with her directly. Any suggestions?