I am struggling with finding unconditional love. I don’t understand how I am supposed to love someone unconditionally when they are rude, disrespectful or controlling toward me. I am trying to find my thoughts from their words that are causing me to feel hurt, disrespected and controlled. I just feel it is so unnecessary for them to do that and I don’t deserve to be treated that way.

It is causing me to show up as the victim, doubt myself, and has got me questioning myself as to what have I done wrong for these people to behave this way. I am left feeling hollow and isolated as my results.

If I drop their manuals that they shouldn’t behave this way because they are free to say or do anything they want, I feel so empty because everyone else gets to do anything they want and be loved, and I am punished for not meeting their expectations of me, which are that they cannot control me, or that it is normal to disrespect me. I would appreciate any help you can give me with helping me find believable thoughts about this to help me begin to move away from this thinking.

I have these 2 models:

C: My mother called me ‘stupid girl’ today
T: She has no right to speak to me that way
F: Disrespected
A: Be the victim, let her decide how I feel,
R: Speak to myself in a disrespectful way

C: My boss said ‘I am offended’ about a concern I raised with her about a colleague
T: She is making what I said about her
F: Invalidated
A: I get fired, ruminate on what I did wrong
R: Make what happened about me?

I am not sure if this is my result because I want to take responsibility for my emotions.

Thank you