Not following protocol 100%

I’ve lost about 4lbs give or take, but my weight has a lot of fluctuations. I notice it seems to be related to alcohol, eating out, and maybe red meat.

I don’t think I need to change my protocol, but I’m not being very meticulous when it comes to planning. Like, sometimes I say “alcohol doesn’t count”, and have an extra drink. Or sometimes if I”m eating out I’ll just say “I can have an appetizer as long as it’s not bread”, but then if something comes that has breading on it, I’ll eat it anyway. Or I’ll decide that fruit for dessert doesn’t count, so I’ll just have it.

So I”m not really being 100% when it comes to my protocol. I eat out and travel a lot for work, for context.

C Desire to follow protocol more concisely
T This is unsustainable / I can’t stick to this
F Resistant
A think about food a lot, worry about how it will impact my lifestyle, obsess about food, go back into strict “diet mentality”
R I don’t sustain this and I can’t stick to it

A more strict protocol starts to feel like a “diet”, and this puts me back into the shame/overeat cycle. Once I think I can’t do it, ultimately – I don’t do it. Searching for better thoughts.

C Desire to follow protocol more closely
T I know I can stick to protocol from a place of self love (I don’t believe this)
T It’s possible that planning and following a more strict protocol is the absolute best thing I could do for my mental health (yeah it’s *possible*)
T I’m 100% willing to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to achieve this goal

I dont’ know. Honestly I don’t feel like I really feel that any of these statements are true. What feels true is that “I don’t want to spend my entire life trying to lose weight”, which is what it feels like I”m doing. I”m so focused on this as my impossible goal and I am starting to feel like I’m wasting my time and life. I only have 10lbs to lose, so it seems like a lot of effort for, for what, really?

My reason why is that I want to finally get to my dream weight so I can prove to myself that my thoughts create my reality. I currently don’t really fully believe that my thoughts are driving everything, but if I could SEE that they ARE, I’d be willing to take more risks in other areas of life. I mean, I guess when I think about it this way I do feel more compelled to take action on a more structured protocol.

T: It’s possible that less variabiity in my protocol actually means more freedom
T: It’s possible that less variability in my protocol is the currency to my dream life
T: It’s possible that less variability in my protocol could change *everything*

Okay, that last thought definitely feels good. Can I use this as my intentional thought?

C Desire to stick to protocol more closely
T It’s possible that sticking to protocol more closely will change *everything*
F Inspired / motivated
A Pay more attention to protocol and follow through on it
R I stay open to the idea that sticking to protocol changes everything

But – is this being too “attached” to the outcome?