Not fully utilising SCS – 1:1 coaching

Hello coaches, and thank you for reading.

I woke up today thinking (again) the thought “I am not utilising SCS enough, because I am not scheduling in the weekly 20 minutes coaching call each week”. Rather than rely on a thought, I actually run the numbers: I have been in SCS for 13months now, and according to my recordings archive I had 16 x 1:1 sessions out of 56 weeks.. that’s less than 30%! And now that I am a diamond, I get 40 minutes sessions…but I’m not even using the 20minutes ones!
So that got me thinking, is there a reason why?
I feel I understand the SCS concepts well and I’m past the initial excitement and over-consuming without applying.
I practice daily a variety of mind management and self-reflection tools (SCS and other), and have witnessed myself changing my life. I just don’t feel I need to speak with someone each week… but I wonder now, am I falling into the trap of cockyness, or maybe avoidance?

When I think about scheduling a session, here is a version of what comes up :
C: coaching session not scheduled this week
T: I am missing out on value that I *should* be wanting to take advantage of, but if I did, I would not know what to talk about for 20 minutes (let alone 40)
F: dismayed
A: ruminate on “why” I am not utilising this service – second guess myself and doubt the self-knowledge skills I have developed in the last year – worry I am falling into a mind trap of over-confidence – worry this is a way of not taking action
R: doubt myself which leads to not booking the session, put it out of my mind. Cycle repeats in a few weeks when I remember once again I have not booked the session in.

I understand that I create my reality by the thoughts I choose, so a more useful thought could be “I have all the knowledge I need to be amazing this week without the 1:1 session”, and I can work with that, however I wonder wether I am either A) being cocky or B)avoiding the sessions on purpose (notice my thought of “I wouldn’t know what to talk about”).

I have booked in a session for next week, to explore this further, but I would really appreciate your feedback so I can keep working on understanding my feelings deeper until then.

I believe you can’t read the label from inside the jar, so… from outside the jar, what do you see here? 🙂
Many thanks!