Not invited to dinner with friends


Yesterday I saw on social media that three of my friends had gone out to dinner together and hadn’t invited me. I regularly see two of them, and admittedly they are better friends with the other lady than I am, but we have done things together, all four of us before.

I immediately felt hurt when I saw the photos. I remembered you had done a podcast on this, so I re-listened to that and coached myself, but I still keep looping back to the thoughts that create the feelings of self-pity, sadness, and I think anger (but just mild).

Here are my models:

C – Photo on IG of 3 friends having dinner together
T – They don’t care about me
F – Self-pity
A – Almost cry, ruminate, buffer with food and Netflix, think about how I am ‘less than,’ wonder if I might have done something wrong, don’t consider other reasons why they didn’t ask me, don’t comment on the post
R – I’m not caring for me

AND:

C – Photo on IG of 3 friends having dinner together
T – They’re not nice people
F – Anger (or something a bit less extreme)
A – I want to cut myself off from them; I think about the ways they aren’t nice to others; I don’t comment on the post; I can’t see other reasons they didn’t ask me; ruminate and let it spoil my weekend
R – I’m not nice to them or me

I tried this intentional model, but it’s not sticking – I keep going back to sadness…

C – Photo on IG of 3 friends having dinner together
T – This doesn’t mean anything bad about them or me
F – Calm
A – Show up like I normally would, enjoy my weekend
R – I create a calm experience for me

Any tips on where to go from here with my coaching?

Thanks!