In a recent 20 min coaching, I worked a model with the coach and found that resistance was my issue. I tried to NOT resist when this circumstance came up again, but just want to clarify and make sure I’m doing it right. If the “backstory” is pertinent, my first husband died young and I have been able to directly tie this fear to the moment when I felt like something was wrong when I couldn’t get ahold of him but didn’t know yet for sure (fear).
C 12 year old son races motocross, has broken bones this year
T he could die
FORMER A: heart races, anxiety, desperate praying, trying to talk myself down with statistics and thought swapping to how empowering it is for him and how brave he is blah blah blah. Discovered my thought swaps were resistance so I tried what the coach and I had worked through. Thankfully I got to be alone when he raced to be able to process my emotions (he went down and EXACTLY like before, I knew something wasn’t right because hadn’t come back by, but didn’t know what).
Attempted A: I talked gently to my self and said fear is normal and acceptable, of course you would be fearful given your history. This is hard and you are brave for allowing him to do this. I was still anxious. The physical actions were tears and I still felt fear.
R: It maybe felt 15% better than usual.
So I know the goal is not to change my experience of it, but I don’t want to sob when he races every time especially when I’m surrounded by other people. Where can I go from here and does my model have any gaps?