Not sure a difficult conversation helped


After a lot of self coaching to get my thoughts in a calm and positive space – I set up a time yesterday to talk with my daughter about our relationship. So, I listened to your Difficult Conversations podcast again, had the conversation with that in mind – kept myself in a loving place and listened – but I was so disappointed and surprised at what was said. She has so much resentment toward me. I felt attacked and judged in ways I didn’t realize she was judging me and also that no matter how much I’ve done to help – it’s not enough. She said I’m not the mother she thought a mother would be and we don’t have the mother/daughter relationship she envisioned. When I moved to solutions we could use going forward we came up with a few – but wow – now I find myself really thinking about her differently. I hoped the conversation would be healing, but instead it felt hurtful and many of her attacks felt petulant to me. I find myself wondering if this conversation was a step toward healing? I guess if she’s been harboring these thoughts about me – it’s good to know and probably good for her to have been able to voice them.(?)

C: Conversation with my daughter
T: She has a lot of judgment and resentment toward me.
F: Hurt (but also kind of Angry)
A: I’m not sure how to be comfortable around her going forward
R: I feel almost more distant which is the opposite of what I’d intended.

C: Conversation with my daughter
T: It’s good we got things out in the open.
F: We’re closer to understanding one another
A: I just love on her.
R: I change what I can and choose to because I understand more where she’s coming from.

Any loving suggestions or will it just take some time to process the conversation?