Not sure about the R line

Maybe my model is not correct, or the actions are not related. But I need help with these thoughts in my A line, which stop me from doing things I love.

C: My boyfriend posted a video on Instagram teaching art to children in his backyard. On the same day, I posted a video of myself doing arm workouts
T: Everyone thinks I am self-obsessed
F: Shame
A: I judge myself, I get insecure and check his likes and comments, I spin in my head, I tell myself that my video can also inspire people to work out, then I reply, yeah, bullshit, I don’t see that it is ok to be happy and share it for no specific reasons, I don’t know that I deserve to be satisfied, I look for an excuse to prove to myself that I got to do something to be happy, I hesitate to post on social media whatever I like, I tell myself that it has to be meaningful, I degrade myself to just my look, that yes if he is inspiring, I look good.
R: ??