Not that into me


I have been in a state of limbo for 2 months where my husband is threatening divorce then pulls back then threatens again. This happened again last weekend. A situation happened where he broke into my room aggressively grabbed me and left bruises. With out going into detail I believe he is so embarsssed as I took evidential pictures of the bruises and when he threatened me again I showed these pics to my closest friend. I also enrolled in this course and am learning a lot about myself and manuals etc. I love him but he is not being truthful. I keep giving chances and I know that I am stuck in indecision. I want to have my own back here. I want open lines of communication and every time I try I find out more lies.
I have involved too many people now and it is feeling embarrassing to try and work it out when all the evidence that he is not that into me is there. I just don’t want to give up on a marriage.
C: evidence that husband retained lawyer
T: I want him to show me this evidence and be truthful so that we can move on with clean slate.
F: anxiously confused
A: ask husband to show me the info he has gathered to prove he is being forthright. Watch as he can’t find the account. Watch while he gives redacted info
R: force someone to come clean. Desperately begging for truth when the truth is he is an adult he can lie as much as he wants.

Bridge
I have my own back
Your gut is telling you something.
Man is not that into you
Start to use my own power.

C: marriage unrest
T: I know what I need to do and I do not need to wait until man decides to end it
F: terrified
A: ruminate. Continue to weigh the pros and cons of divorce. Continue to feel paralyzed by lack of action.
R: stuck in indecision.

I need to come up with an action plan but I feel so stuck wanting to believe in my husband still despite all of the facts that show this is not working. Feeling shame that a marriage is not working. Shame for any actions I did that were not done in integrity.