Nothing has gone wrong part 2


Hi there, thank you for your time.

On the circumstance that I have regained 12 pounds. And my poisonous thought that my weight has always been my measure of success or failure. You asked

What else could be true about regaining these 12 lbs?

In what ways could this be a blessing?

What might they make possible that wasn’t possible before?

How could they be an asset towards your future self?

My answer:
These 12 pounds have brought me back to self coaching. To me they are an indication that I have been using food to deal with my feelings. It reminds me to check back in with my self and what is going on for me.
Using food to handle discomfort has gotten me through some difficult moments as I’ve stepped into more responsibility at work. It has also distracted me when I felt despair and considered suicide.
I’m finding it hard to see the 12 pounds as an asset, but the overeating I see has had some advantages. It has also comforted me when I had some intense physical training to do despite being tired.
My mind wants to say that I needed to eat and gain weight to protect myself during tough times. But my mind also wants to immediately squash that thought because its not useful and wont get me the result I want. (i.e. thinking times were tough seems to me to be a not useful thought)
Also, I gained this weight after giving up drinking. I was a fairly heavy drinker so stopping completely has been a challenging and interesting journey. I guess I could say the weight helped me succeed on this journey.

Is this the kind of thing you are meaning?
These thoughts make me feel more acceptance but I’m not sure I’m managing to get to a point where the weight gain is a neutral circumstance. More like i’m trying to find positive thoughts about a negative circumstance.

I’ve been trying to practice thoughts like my weight has no bearing on my worth. Or i am worthy and awesome at any weight. But I suspect I need a ladder thought to get there.
I want to lose the weight again but I want my weight to be neutral at the same time.

Where am I going wrong?