Obsessive thought loops and checking

I’m uncomfortable. I don’t feel good in my body and skin, I have a lot of anxiety, and I’m generally unhappy in my life.

My thought loops are a bit out of control, I feel like I’m constantly checking my email, my stocks, my email list, my webinar stats, my weight, my bank account, my Instagram, Facebook.

Just checking checking checking.

I listened to the episode on thought loops, and am asking myself what is it that I want?

I want to know that everything is ok, that we are trending in the right direction. The sky hasn’t fallen. But maybe we have won big! Maybe my last post went viral, maybe I lost weight, maybe my stock skyrocketed and everything WILL be ok!

It’s some combination of making sure catastrophe hasn’t happened, and also seeing if maybe “my big break has come!”

I realize this is a very childlike mentality. I need new thoughts around all of this, but I’m so uncomfortable I feel like I can’t sit with myself.  In a way, all of this checking is buffering.

I feel like I have to buffer because my life is intolerable.

I’m exhausted.