I have stopped smoking for a month. My husband did too.

I stayed at home during the whole month.

Now, we are invited to spend the week end, next week, with some friends who are smokers.

My husband wants to smoke during this week end and I don’t want to.
But I already feel the urge, like I am failing ahead of time.

I feel bad because I know that if he smokes I will too.

I have a lot of sneaky thoughts like:
Just one more time
Live your life
Don’t be so serious, life is too short
Have fun
He will have fun and not you
It’s so delicious
I love smoking

In fact, I stopped smoking because I use it to buffer on my day to day.
My health is bad, I cough.
My children are young.
There is a lot of cancer cases in my family.
My future self is healthy! Not destroyed by cigarettes.

I started yoga, I handle the urges, I manage my negative emotions

But when it’s about having fun or my husband, it’s really hard for me to keep in mind that he is free to do whatever he wants,
I am free too.
And we are not supposed to do everything together.
It’s also about this image I have about myself: I am serious since I was young.
Not a bad girl.
Always good at school and serious, respect my word.
It’s like there is no fun in that.

What I want is to be coached in this obstacle
Thank you