Of two minds


I don’t want to give up my lazy lifestyle, but I do. I don’t want to get up at a consistent time each morning, but I do. I don’t want to give up eating whole pizzas for lunch when I feel sad, but I probably should. I know Brooke says confusion is an avoidance technique, and that seems right, but when forming new thoughts on which to act, I’m finding it very difficult to know what I actually want. I’m used to thinking in “should’s” … “I should want this and do this, etc.” So it’s become difficult to know my own mind. The more I pay attention, the more I realize I LIKE the habits that aren’t good for me – sleeping in, eating pizzas, watching Netflix instead of working, etc. But I don’t like myself for doing them. And I do have dreams and ambitions, but I don’t know how to make myself want them more. How do I identify what I’m actually thinking and what I actually want versus what I’ve been conditioned into thinking I should want? And how do I fix feeling like I am of two minds?