Off track

I was doing SO WELL. Keeping to protocol, not drinking, meeting my impossible goal every day, doing my coaching, discovering myself in so many ways, etc.

And then guests descend on the house, and everything goes to hell. They bring food, wine, etc. and I begin losing the battle. Eating and drinking off protocol, and feeling completely out of control.

I have never been able to control my life when other people are in my space.

I totally get that I am doing this to myself, but I cannot seem to get at the root-cause thoughts that are creating this. I think I realized this morning that part of this is self-pity and not wanting to feel left out of the “party,” but this isn’t what I really want. This abdication of control doesn’t feel like real self-love.