On and off again break up

I’m in the middle of a break up with a long term relationship partner of 9 years together. We’ve had break ups before, but they’ve never lasted more than a few days. This time, it’s my partner that says he’s leaving. He’s refusing to talk to me for the most part, at this moment.

Part of me is relieved because I want it to be over. The other part of my feels guilt for thinking that. Part of me feels fear, panic and heartbreak. I want to beg him to stay even though I know it’s unhealthy to stay in many ways because our core values don’t align.

I fear wasting more time and yet I can’t get the courage to break up. I’m having trouble doing models or trying to think through this rationally. Any advice on what to do or how to approach would be helpful. Thank you.