On Being Bored

Hi Brooke,

My husband and I are moving to a new apartment in few weeks and he had to go on a business trip and so we decided that this would be a great time for me to get away on my own and do a mini vacation for myself, rather than stay surrounded by boxes. So we packed most of the house and off we went to our ways.

I was taking careful thought towards my trip, knowing that I am going to a destination where I know no one and searched in advance for yoga classes, Pilates classes and healthy places to eat.
I thought this would be a great time for me to work on my novel and write each day, workout and eat healthy. We both thought that – that is, my prefrontal cortex and myself. Alas…

I did one power walk, visited the yoga class, which I didn’t like, and am finding myself (choosing) to sit at the apartment, watching SCS videos on rerun, and other useless internet searches, waiting for my next meal.

After losing so much weight through SCS, I found myself overeating with rice, bigger portions, and snacking, when back home I don’t do that and I thought it was no longer an issue for me.
Clearly, I was distracted, and now that I am alone here and bored (because I choose to also get anxious about getting to work on my novel), I console myself between cappuccinos and meals.

I’ve run few models on my thoughts:

C= Being away alone
T= I am bored and lonely
F= Sad
A= Overeat
R= Gain weight, feeling physically drained

C= Being away alone
T= I distract myself from writing my novel
F= Frustrated
A= Procrastinate, overeat
R= Not writing, gaining weight

C= Staying away alone
T= I can learn how to be bored and not overeat
F= Self-trusting
A= Finding ways to pass the time without food
R= Enjoying time

So I am trying today to find ways in which I could enjoy the few days I have left here and mainly learn from this experience. That even if it cost me already in gaining few pounds, that I can learn that being bored is a choice and that clearly I was distracting myself for many years without ever allowing to be bored and alone for a single day.

I remember you too went by yourself before your move. I wonder how you dealt with your alone and free time. Perhaps you chose to work the entire time while being alone. Perhaps you were part of a retreat that had it all planned for you.
How strange that being bored makes me feel so uncomfortable.