Hi Brooke,

I have an uncle who lives abroad and has contacted me three times over the past six months and asked me to help him with money.

It’s an old story in our family where year after year he finds another niece or nephew to borrow money from and never to pays back.
Surely, his beliefs system on money leads him to live broke for six decades and as the years go by, more and more family members cut contact with him for that reason.

So I sent him money these three times and convinced myself that I should not try to lecture him or change how he is. That if I have to spare I should just help and not worry whether he pays back or come to ask for more.
The fourth time arrived yesterday, the amount increased to a few thousands and I don’t have that generous feeling anymore.
Also, I know that my husband wouldn’t approve of this, just like my family.

So I tried to do two models and would love your advice:

C: Uncle asks for money
T: I will empty my savings if I give him once again
F: Reluctant
A: Not giving money
R: I get to keep my savings. He remains worried and broke.

Another model would be:

C: Uncle asks for money
T: If I have the money, I can give unconditionally
F: Mixed of generosity with doubt
A: Giving the money
R: I solved his monthly problem

Something just ain’t right… why lending money is an issue?