On Manuals

If we don’t follow someone else’s manual, say in our marriage, our partners may want to leave us. WE know this work, but if our partners or the rest of the world do not know this work, they can leave /walk away because you didn’t put out the garbage or ever call them back or help them around the house or have sex as often as they’d like, etc. It feels like we have to follow their manual if they aren’t doing this work, in order to keep the relationship. How do we reconcile with this, if we want the relationship in our lives?