I am reporting in from vacation in Upstate New York to visit family. I am blessed to be able to come out here and spend a week visiting my husband’s parents and then staying with my whole family in a big house that we all rented. I am excited to see how I do with following my protocol in front of people who are always talking about food (and often have very different views than I do on it). Last night I had dinner with the hub’s parents and I ate the veggies and the meat she cooked and left the rest off. I definitely heard my brain telling me that I should take some of everything, that his mother will be offended. I didn’t, I just let my mind chatter. I did find myself reaching for more, not due to hunger, but due to past habits with them.
They also asked me if I was sick, since I had lost so much weight, and I didn’t realize that this was a sore spot for me. They are lovely people and I know that they mean the best and were sincerely worried and I felt the defensiveness rise up. The old thoughts of “I need to explain myself” kept surfacing and sometimes I was defensive and sometimes I just noticed it. I know this whole week is going to be full of challenges and I know I am going to learn so much!
Starting tonight I will be staying with my family and the group phone messages have been so much about who is cooking what on what night. It has been interesting to say, whatever meat you’re cooking, I’ll put it with salad. The questions keep coming, do you eat eggs? Will you eat tacos? What about …. I’ve been playing with different ways of answering and watching my brain throw fit after fit, because I am realizing how often I choose to eat food that wreaks havoc on my body because I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
I will definitely report back later! I brought my planner and notebook so I can keep track of some of these thoughts and do models in the mornings.