My daughter got married last year. A couple months in to the marriage she revealed to us that her husband suffers from severe anxiety. She asked us to leave them alone for a month because he thought if would help him heal. She was skeptical, but we obliged. Before that, we had seen them about three times, but had called a couple times saying, “hey, we’re in your town, you wanna do lunch,” or “I’m dropping by more of your wedding gifts,” or “it’s your birthday, and we are going to bring you a gift.” This, unbeknownst to us, caused him severe anxiety. He had threatened to harm himself because he wasn’t a good enough husband for her, and that she would always choose her family over him. We are a very close, loving, supportive family. We’ve had our beefs and our fights, but we move past them, and just love each other.
Anyway, we quit contacting them. They have visited us very briefly. My daughter and I still texted, FB messaged, and occasionally talked, but never when he was around her. This spring she had wanted to go fabric shopping for the baby she was going to have (today acutally.) Our schedules were not lining up, but I offered to go and pick her up, and then let her husband pick her up that night, because he was going to be driving by our house anyway. She texted, “what, do you want my husband to kill himself?” This really concerned me and the next day, I called her and for thirty minutes tried to get her to get real with me. She cried, I cried. But he is trying to get his military clearance, and doesn’t want his anxiety to affect that, so he won’t get help. The next day, she texted me that it was really all her fault, that she didn’t really want to come visit us, but was just blaming him. (pretty sure that was not true, but I totally accepted it.) A couple weeks later, they visited briefly, and we spent some awesome, fun, normal mother daughter time shopping and just being together.
Then about three weeks ago, about 6 weeks after our latest time together, and after we had been communicating warmly and happily through texts about her upcoming baby, I texted to let her know we were going to be at the same event she was going to be at that night. And only because of other circumstances. She texted me that they needed more time to see us, and although they loved us, the couldn’t be prepared to see us that night. I sorta lost it, and texted her back something like: “This is the most bizarre thing ever, why in the world would you not be able to see us, this makes me so crazy and mad…….”
Two days later, he sends me a long letter via FB messenger stating all the reasons why they were cutting off communications with us. All was BS, except the fact that I did have that long conversation on the phone with my daughter after the “kill himself” text. He took it as my way of trying to break them up.
Today is her due date. I have forced a couple texts from her. Just “I’m fine. Leave us Alone.” I am beside myself with grief.
I try processing through this everyday. I get to an ok place of acceptance, and looking for lessons, then I fall apart again. I still have a home, and other kids, and responsibilites to take care of. But I am struggling to function. I am worried.
I tried to make this concise. Sorry if it seems disjointed or wandering.
Can you give me anymore ways to get to deep peace and understanding…?