online dating


I’m doing online dating and craving responses from the guys I’m most interested in. I’m trying to observe my mind. It wants one guy in particular to respond positively to me.

We were communicating back and forth, then I got busy for a few days with family, but also a little bored of our great conversation with no forward progression. I sent him a message indicating I have family in town for another week and let’s meet up after that. He wrote back and I haven’t opened it. I’m trying to use this as an opportunity to observe and learn about my mind. My mind wants him to like me, fears rejection, hopes he will respond and is trying to tell myself that even if he decides he’s not interested that he is not the one for me and I’m just getting closer to my true love and life companion.

C: message exists that I have not opened yet
T: He might say he’s not interested
F: fear
A: don’t open, try to get curious about mind.
R: not moving forward in my search the right one, if it is him or another. Maybe also trying to control who is the one instead of letting it progress naturally?

C: message exists
T: he might not want to date/marry a white women (which I am)
F: sad and kind of ashamed or stuck
A: don’t open email, ruminate about how he or people of his ethnicity might not want to date me, feel hopeless, communicate with other guys, do other things
R: don’t focus on someone who is interested in white women… but I do want to focus on people I am attracted to as well… not sure here.

C: message exists
T: He won’t want me because I’m older than him and have young kids
F: disappointed/hopeless
A: feel discouraged that many or most guys will not want to date me, tell myself I only need one, work on other things, write models.
R: I’m less attractive to my future mate.

C: message exists
T: if he is not interested he’s not the one.
F: uneasy
A: my mind responds, “but he is the most attractive person on the site to me and seems nice from our communication.” Then my mind responds that others seem fun. Then counter attack with “you are looking for a life partner, not just in the moment fun.” To which I respond that fun is good, and the volley is returned with “but it’s not everything.” Anyway I’m thinking I don’t fully believe the T, but it can be the only truth that exists… maybe I’m fighting with reality?
R: I’m not moving on to get to the one.

I’m not sure what a good intentional model would be here. I feel as if I’m just going to take a big breath and white knuckle it while I open it and I won’t be doing it right or well or something like that. Like I’m just going to do it with discomfort and I could do it with ease and acceptance, but I don’t know how to do that. How do I do that?