Opening a can of worms

Hi Brooke,
I am so excited to be part of this group.
I have faithfully done my daily thought downloads and applied the model. I can see how I can move from one thought that keeps me stuck to one that makes me feel a bit better and ignite some action. Still feel I am at the very early stages, but I guess this is just part of the process.
My main issue has come from the podcasts and the study guidelines. I completely agree with you regarding resilience and not quitting, and I thought I knew it deep inside me. But I am stuck! When I know what I want, believe me, I go for it, and quitting is not an option. That has been the constant of my life. But right now I am not sure what do I want, and that is the reason I enter this group to get clarity about that.
You say we create our options, and that we know what we want, but what about if what we thought we wanted and worked so hard to get is not what we wanted?
I think that because I am in a dilemma when I try to identify what do I want to commit to, I have of course career options (which I have focused on for 24 years now), but feel tired, done with that.
I don’t have life balance, I work all the time, so if I go for the career options I think I would like to pursue, I feel this will perpetuate the pattern: commit, go for it, burn out until I am fried and crispy, then think I need to do something different (still in the career) repeat the pattern.
Do I overwork to be unconscious? but I don’t know what am I avoiding.

In the last call you said, we know what we want, what would be that thing that we want if we knew we could have it. And my response was to stay home, have time to call my friends, my family in Colombia, read a book, go for a coffee, have a life, be a housewife, but I don’t want to commit to that because I also feel first, of course, I can’t afford it, and second, what has been the point of my life? I am questioning everything, even my decision to not have kids (not that I can do anything about it now, and even the reasons are still as valid in my mind now as they were five years ago), but I feel I am missing on life.

So my question is how I can find further clarity if I get overwhelmed with guilt, regret, deeper confusion when getting deep inside me (I know you warned this wouldn’t be pretty or easy…), but how can I apply the model to get myself more clarity? I feel I do the thought download, apply the model and then what? Could you help me?