Opposing Counsel Issue


I have an opposing counsel that I just cannot seem to get along with no matter what I do. It is not my job to get along with my opposing counsels, but for the most part I have perceive myself to have a reputation for being easy to get along with and work with in a collegial manner. Even when I have disagreed on a point of law with other attorneys, it has not become an ongoing tit for tat via email.

Un intentional models:
C: Opposing counsel
T: I can’t seem to get along with this woman no matter what I do
F: frustrated
A: try to diffuse situations in emails, try to placate her, avoid answering her emails right away so I can think before I answer
R: still not getting along with this woman

C: wrote email that said something about her to other attorneys and she saw it
T: she is making a big thing out of nothing like usual
F: stupid
A: freak out in my brain, don’t respond to her emails, avoid the file
R: fault her for my email

I also think thoughts like: I shouldn’t try to get along with her at all that’s not my job. But that makes me feel more frustrated. I need a new way of looking at this woman because all of my really mean thoughts about how horrible she is making situations worse. Vilifying her and then simultaneously trying to get along with her is creating frustratingly absurd results. I also find that sometimes I try to step into her model and see how she must be thinking, feeling, and thus acting. I even googled her to try and get a better understanding of her as a human and not just an “opposing counsel.” But then I found evidence for her mistreatment of her own clients so it seemed to justify my negative thoughts about her.

Then, I realize that I have been acting like a jerk and kind of two faced because on the one hand I try to placate her, but also I speak negatively about her to other attorneys.

I have spent so much time ruminating on this and I am being kind of extra dramatic. I hate that I got caught saying a snarky comment in an email, even if I secretly think what I said is true. I can see that too. Anyway, some coaching on this would be much appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your help.