I’ll use this simple example:
C – husband chews with his mouth open
T – Why can’t he learn? He is so annoying.
F – anger, irritated
This T/F has been repeated so many times that it is super fast/automatic. I am working to become aware of this before it escalates. I desperately want to not even notice, or care, how he chews or how he asks me questions I just gave him answers to.
My question is:
What do you do IN the moment?
Should I NOT resist the feeling and sit and “feel” this anger/irritation? Allow it. Acknowledge it. Talk to it. Let it run it’s course and flow through me? THEN, remind myself of my new thought I am practicing?
What order do you do these things?
I have been practicing the thought “He irritates me and that’s okay.” Maybe I’m ready to move to “I’m open to not being irritated.” Any suggestions? I listened to you coach a scholar about drinking and directing her negative emotion toward her husband. You told her she probably didn’t like spending time with herself. I do think that I am super hard on myself and talk negatively to myself (although since I started scholars I’m MUCH better and even try to call myself sweetheart). Will this just take time to continuing being kind to myself and then I’ll be more kind to him?