Other people’s models

My husband has a habit of blaming my character and behavior for his negative feelings about me and our marriage and tells me that I am the cause of our arguments. He would say something like “you started talking about xy and that provoked me into arguing with you”. I have tried to explain to him that I am not responsible for how he feels in our relationship, but he is not willing to consider this. How can I return his models to him in a positive and loving way that will benefit our relationship?