Other People’s Models and How We Want to Show Up

I don’t understand how to respond when I intend to show up as kind, curious, open, cooperative, and someone at work decides in their own mind that I am anything but that and attacks. I have attempted to model others. I have used softer language. I have used a different tone of voice. But there are two women at work who interpret every question I ask as “needling” and “confrontational” – even when I am asking this question on the behalf of others, even when I am asking with the full intention of coming to compromise and understanding and representing their views to my team.

I am miserable over this. It is clear that in their model I am not their ally, not worth their time (one even said I am not qualified for my job) and so there is nothing I can do to change their thoughts about me. But their thoughts about me impact my future career. And it may be racial bias underneath this as I am Latina and they are white and Asian.

I don’t understand how to do thought work on this.