Other people’s thoughts about what I have

I am wanting to remodel my bathroom. I have been avoiding talking about it with people I know because I have more money available to me than they do. I don’t want anyone to know how “extravagant” or “wasteful” I am while they’re struggling. I can remodel the bathroom but I’m stopping myself a lot and not following through on getting the architect and the design set up.

I did a download and realized I have thoughts of being ashamed of my wealth. I came from a very traumatic background and at times had nothing. I lived in a car. There is a part of me that believes that was somehow more noble than being a housewife that’s good at investing and can afford an upgrade. A lot of my wealth has come through my husband and I feel like I didn’t earn it. I’ve done a lot of work on this over the last two years or more and just when I think I’m getting rid of it, it comes back when I want to improve something materially that other people could see. It feels ok when I want to invest in something or buy education, but I’m still too shy to tell anyone about my bathroom plans.

I could have had this bathroom done by now if I wasn’t backtracking and sabotaging it getting accomplished. I believe I really want this, but my brain seems otherwise and I think it feels unsafe having nice things.