So, in three close relationships – husband, sister in law and boss – this keeps coming up. So, I figure it’s something I need to work on. People I’m close with say they will do something (ex. speak with aging relative about a DNR, follow-up with grant manager so we can get funding at work, sign a document that will allow us to refinance and move forward with housing plans). And then, I find out later that they didn’t do it. And, not only did they not do it, but they didn’t tell me. So, I had been operating under the assumption that things were taken care of that weren’t.
C: Husband said “I’ll sign those now,” and didn’t sign refinance documents, but didn’t tell me until I heard from loan officer
T: I have tried everything to help him, short of signing for him. I am frustrated that he doesn’t care enough to get this done for a family goal we agreed on together.
A: Breathe in and out, feel anger, ask him what else I can do beyond all the things I have done to make it easy on him
R: He suggests I literally hand him a sticky note with the task on it. I agree to try that.
The R is a fine solution and I will try. But, I resent being in this situation in multiple high stakes situations — elderly relative’s health, funding for my job, housing for our family that will enable us to house elderly relative. … The people in question have asked me for help. I try to tee them up for tasks that I find to be easy (signing a document), and then they don’t do it.
I see that resentment, anger and frustration isn’t getting the tasks done. … And I don’t want to let it go, because I agree that the shared goals are important and need to happen. So … kind of lost about what to think, feel or do at this point. I’ll keep processing with the folks, but it feels like a very frustrating rerun every day. Thanks.