Over-responsibility for others/depression

How do I coach myself through being over-responsible for others and my husband’s depression. I cycle through thoughts and feelings of anger, frustration, sadness for him and resolve every day. The result that I want to have is love and compassion for him and myself but I just can’t seem to get there. I had a coaching session two weeks ago about it and the best advice I received was to have love and compassion for myself. It was a blessing to hear those words but I am still having trouble showing up for him with compassion and not anger, sadness and frustration. I have done may models but I feel like I am just going through the motions and it is not coming from my heart. It’s almost like I am telling myself what I want to hear if that makes sense but not the whole truth. Thoughts.