This month as my first in Scholars has been really eye-opening. I’m learning so much, but I’m really having trouble with sitting in the discomfort after a certain period. I’m getting better at it, I feel what it’s like to really accept it and not have a time limit on it, but then I start to think, “How much longer…”. I’ve done models on the thought that I can only feel my feelings and notice urges and cravings for so long before it feels unbearable. Yesterday, I even got a taste of freedom when I realized that I’m getting stronger over time, not weaker. I’m getting further from my last overeating episode, not closer to my next. But…
I planned an exception 24 hours in advance because I really wanted to overeat, so instead of saying screw it, I planned an exception for the following day. I stayed conscious, I noticed how strong my desire for the food was when it came time to eat it (over 24 hours later) and I remember you saying in a Stop Overdrinking call to sit with the urge for a bit before you consume what you’ve planned. I waited a bit, and then as I was sitting down to eat the ‘exception’ food, I made an excuse to go to the store just to “see if anything popped out at me” and I have been storm eating since. I wanted an excuse to go all out.
I’ve done the Write It Down-Learn-Move On worksheet, and what I DID learn, and what I’m glad for, is I’ve stayed conscious enough to realize that I don’t actually like the taste of all these foods I’m eating. They are way too over-saturated in flavor. This has been one of my strongest illusions, thinking that I genuinely liked the taste of these things. Now I know that I actually don’t.
My question is…I still haven’t given myself or my body the chance to really eliminate sugar and flour. I’m good in between these episodes, but they really drag me down. Should I commit to 4 weeks of no sugar/no flour including exceptions and joy eats? I’ve heard you say that you typically had clients in the past eliminate them totally for 4 weeks, and I haven’t done that. My reason to do so wouldn’t be about ‘diet mentality’–it would simply be to give my body a chance to recover from sugar/flour. Then again, I don’t want to become afraid of these things either and worry that they’ll trigger a storm eat.
Thanks so much!