I’m conscious now of the fact that I’m making the choice to overeat and go off protocol as I want food to make me feel better or good instead of feeling a negative emotion. I’m aware that food never really gives me true comfort or relief and it just is a temporary distraction but I still choose it sometimes as I don’t want to feel the negative emotion anymore – is there anything I can do to allow myself to be always be willing to stay with the negative emotion. There are times when I don’t buffer now but other times I choose to respond still.
I also wanted to ask for help to stop indulging in confusion around the difference between perfectionism and commitment to your food protocol, if I go off my food protocol then I think thoughts like there you go again, you’ve messed up in the past, I can’t believe I’m buffering again, I thought I was getting better and making progress. Now I’m trying to adopt the thoughts I’m either winning or learning so every time I go off plan it’s a chance for me to learn what feeling I didn’t want to feel or which one I responded or reacted too.
I know I’m still having resistance accepting and coming to terms with the fact I should feel negative 50% of the time, I listen to the podcasts and i understand the need for contrast when you explain it to us and I practice thinking it daily and reminding myself but in the moment when I feel it, I still want to reject feeling this way sometimes, I think I don’t want to feel like this anymore, it feels soo horrible, I can’t bear it and then I buffer cause of these thoughts I think, especially if it’s dissatisfaction, loneliness or feeling unloved or unworthy. I think things like I’m fed up of life being soo hard all the time and I indulge in self pity for myself – I’m the girl from the coaching call who’s PT was a buffer too. Can you give me some bridge thoughts or is there another thought I could think? I try to practice thinking I can handle and I’m going through the process of learning how to feel any feeling or with time and practice I will figure out how to feel all my feelings but I’m aware I’m resisting wanting to have negative emotions in my life and inside my body
Sorry I know I’ve asked a lot of things but I also wanted to ask about my relationship with my buffer/PT, I’m conscious and aware I want this approval and I’m seeking/contributing feelings of worthiness, likability/lovability, confidence, ability/capability to him but its actually my thoughts I have when I interact with him and I need to constantly remind myself of this, it’s not him and it’s the thoughts I have when he does or says something. How do I stay friends with him as I feel like we are friends, I’m choosing to indulge in confusion as it is wrong to feel good when you talk to a friend if they say something nice to you, I don’t think it is so should I watch when I start contributing feelings to him and stop myself from talking to him, I’m not sure what to do when a buffer is a person. I’m still working on feel self love and worthiness for myself, I find this challenging as I still think it’s related to my relationship status/history and that my past made me less worthy as I felt a lot of shame regarding the abuse and my parents going to jail, I choose to think thoughts Im not as good as other people, I’m less than them because of these events and I’m different, they are normal and I’m weird/damaged or broken
Looking forward to hearing from you Brooke
Thanks for the coaching and all your help/podcasts too as I love them 💖