Overspending Shame

In a period of about 6 months, I spent $30,000 from a savings account, mostly on courses and certifications and masterminds and… all digital products pretty much, some have been helpful, some weren’t, some I haven’t even started yet, because I bought more programs than I had time for. I’m feeling a deep sense of shame around this as it started with one and then just spiraled out of seeming control. I might have kept on with this but an emergency maintenance expense came up with a rental property my husband and I own that required out of pocket repairs and lost income. I put myself on a restrictive “spending” diet and I’ve committed to actually applying the programs, but I feel like it will take forever to undo the damage. I’ve poked around through the overeating and over drinking sections to see what might apply, I’m not sure where to start. In the beginning I was thinking, “I need to start a business so I’m not reliant on my husband because I don’t have the money to divorce him if our marital problems get worse, I don’t know how, I need someone to teach me I’d better buy a course… At this point I think I could have just spent $5K on BSchool and a year of Self Coaching Scholars and I would have had all I needed. This was probably one of the best investments I spontaneously grabbed because of the taking responsibility I now have to do to rectify this situation. I deal with different models…

C – I spent $30K I didn’t plan on spending.
T – oh my god, I’ve done a horrible thing, how will I ever fix this? I’m so stupid and I fall for sales pitches too easily.
F – shame
A – shrink away, lie about money, hide my course taking because I think I can make the money back in secret
R – only work on things after dark, afraid to launch anything due to shame.


C – I spent $30k I didn’t plan on spending
T – I invested in myself and this is going to come back 10x
F – inspired
A – work on business and self development all day
R – get really good at taking courses and self development. Still don’t make money.

I think I’m not believing that thought or… ?

How do I make sure this doesn’t happen again? (Other than not doing it again, duh) but… is there a direction or Scholars class I should be going towards? Urges, over drinking, eating, money?