I started a model from my F line – overwhelm, which I took from a thought in my download – it’s too much (I wanted that to be my feeling but recognized in the model it’s a T)
T – it’s too much
F – overwhelm
I went next to the C – and noticed that I kept making the C bigger and bigger until I got back to that feeling of overwhelm. My T was “it’s too much”
For instance when I asked myself what was too much – I believe I’m feeling overwhelmed about work, I have two of my three regular employees out this week.
But that alone in the C line doesn’t trigger a thought of “it’s too much”, so I added more.
C – 2/3 of a department I manage is on PTO this week.
– added – I am the editor of a magazine with a deadline this week
– added – I have an appointment tonight at 6
– added my passport has expired and I have a trip planned for November
– added …
T – It’s too much
F – overwhelm
A – go from one thing to another without finishing anything (including a model on just one C), don’t focus on resources I have. don’t prioritize, don’t do Monday hour one – or any kind of intentional guiding, compare myself to others who I think have it all together, tell myself I’m not doing it right, find more things that need “fixing” to add to the list. Tell myself I can’t have it all and beat myself up for wanting it.
R – ?? (I can see that my overwhelm grows from my A, but at the same time it doesn’t help me see that my T is creating the R, it seems like my C and A are creating the R.
I can tell this model went off the rails in the C line. But when I constrain the C line, I don’t feel overwhelmed and it doesn’t seem to represent my C that I’m blaming for my T.
I tried asking myself why it’s too much, and my answer was all C lines. I can see that they aren’t neutral – being someone’s mother is just a biological relationship and it’s what I’m making it mean. But again, that alone is not making me feel “it’s too much.”
My model grew legs and ran away with me – can you help?