Overwhelm of “Negative” Things, Not Sure How to Process

Hi Brooke! Lately I have been resisting the homework and doing some heavy buffering due to some life circumstances I’m not happy about, and I feel more lost than ever. To start, I’m a single, 30 year old, freelance graphic designer in the heart of the midwest, no kids/debts/ex-husbands.

1) Work: I have been having a hard time finding work I enjoy, so I dread projects and procrastinate (= stress, late work, excuses to clients) – example: the cute vegan pizza place I was dying to do work for and offered services at a discounted rate decided to not hire a designer due to budget last week, while I seem to get work doing plenty of car advertisements/forms/paperwork – which pays the bills but isn’t creative or stylistic like I prefer and do my best work at.
2) Dating: I’d like a boyfriend and to eventually marry, but have a hard time meeting men in general working from home, much less with a similar mentality in this area (spiritual, vegan, “peace-over-war” mindset, not exactly common in Missouri), and was rejected pretty harshly by someone who I was excited about and beginning to see when he decided he would rather “work on himself than date” and started avoiding me until I awkwardly confronted him last month.
3) Living Situation: I often consider moving to a different area of the country but am “guilt tripped” by my family in the area to stay (all married/with kids, jobs here, property, and businesses). The idea of moving sounds exciting and like I may more easily find interesting work or like-minded people in person- but I am scared and full of guilt with the idea, and do nothing to pursue it aside from day dream. I am not even sure if I want to move or not, or where I’d go exactly. I know it wouldn’t magically solve my problems, though it honestly might help with some from a logical standpoint. I considered buying a house here recently instead, and on two occasions in the last month, the houses I almost bought and had been on the market for months were purchased the day before I went to put in my offer, which may be for the better.
4) Friends: My friend group is unfulfilling for me, as I am often left out of events since they’re mostly couples who run around together and work together and make plans at the office, and when I do see them, they tend to want to stay in or watch sports instead of go do activities I enjoy (hike, go to museums, see bands, etc) and don’t respond well to my suggestions. I have been suggested doing MeetUp groups to meet new people, but things like that aren’t very prevalent in the area, so easier suggested than done.

While nothing horrendous is happening, I feel like especially in the last month I am having a streak of bad luck in almost every aspect of my life. I am feeling unmotivated and depressed, and even doing the thought downloads, models, or trying to choose emotions hasn’t done much as of now. I buffer lately with TV and internet/Instagram for HOURS. I feel I am in limbo and unsure of if I should just feel these negative feelings and go through the motions of life, or make some kind of change – and if I do make a change, how/what (and will it work out? Because things don’t seem to be going my way lately). I know my reality is what I make it, and I’m just so confused on where the hell I took a wrong turn. No clue what to do, what I want, where to go – and I’m feeling like giving up on trying for anything. Any advice would be great.