I am overwhelmed by being in a new city (the last 7 weeks) where I know no one and am trying to date and make friends. Feeding myself, working out, keeping the house clean, taking care of the cats and managing my business definitely seems like enough.
Then add in my aunt getting diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and my Mom falling and breaking her elbow in 3 places a few days ago & needing surgery and rehab puts things over the top. My relationship tank is on empty.
There’s a lot of ups and downs with dating and making friends! I went to this spiritual gathering on the beach tonight that a new friend mentioned and the leader felt like she was trying to be a spiritual leader instead of being herself. The whole vibe was off for me and my friend was late and then didn’t find me to sit by me, so I just got up and left feeling pretty disappointed.
Then I swiped on Bumble and got disappointed again.
And earlier today I was chatting with a guy for an hour or so and realized that wasn’t a fit.
And yesterday there was another guy who doubled down on a not-funny joke that showed me he wasn’t a match.
And the day before there was a guy I’d been excited about and chatting with for over a month (we both were out of town for a while) and I can’t be around second hand smoke due to silent reflux and vocal nodules and he loves smoking cigars and doesn’t want to have to be careful around a partner, so that date never happened after all the build up.
Another new friend I reached out to is busy because she’s back in school and another one had her sons in town for 5 days so isn’t free this weekend. And I don’t really know anyone else, LOL.
Oh, but I did also develop a big old crush on my long-distance energy healer and (after a pep talk from my bestie) told him about that yesterday so we can work through some of the unworthy, unrequited, shame patterns/feelings I’m having around that. So there’s been lots of vulnerability, intense emotion, grief, loneliness and disappointment this week.
I’ve been struggling to keep up with housework and working a bit too much on my business but feeling like I’m not making enough money (because I am spending more than I’m earning).
The result is overeating, gaining weight, debt, self-judgment, messy house and lack of social connection. It’s hard for me to see that list of circumstances and feel like I’m doing much right (although I know I am).
I want to feel better but I also am starting to see my buffering and realize it doesn’t actually work to make me feel better.
Where can I start to help me not be so overwhelmed? I want to make some conscious choices of what to focus on and what to drop so it doesn’t feel like life is just coming at me and happening to me and I’m just over here dropping balls and feeling shitty.
Thanks : )