Painful Sex

I know there are amazing coaches on the team, I would love if Brooke answered this one! 🙂

About a year ago something happened during sex with my boyfriend. We slipped and he entered in a way that was really painful.

After this experience I developed “vaginismus” which basically means that the muscles in my vagina contract whenever I anticipate penetration (at the gynecologist, when I’m about to have sex, inserting a tampon.) It is not a voluntary contraction like clenching a fist.

When my muscles contract sex is not impossible, but painful/ uncomfortable for at least the first 20 minutes. While we have sex I constantly worry that the same thing will happen again and that it will hurt. Obviously the whole experience is not very sexy.

After so many experiences of sex being painful my desire for sex went way down. I can hardly even think about it anymore without imagining it being painful. My boyfriend has been really understanding about everything, but I feel really bad that I don’t make him feel desired. I often try to get sex “over with.”

Vaginismus in my case is not caused by something actually being wrong with my body but from my thoughts. I haven’t figured out how to stop getting worried and anticipating pain. Even when I try to relax and think different thoughts it’s immediately disproved by the reality of the pain. Is there anything I can do to help myself?

Sorry this was such an explicit question I hope that’s okay. Any feedback would be very much appreciated.