Painful unintentional model


Hi! I’m dealing with a painful thought right now. I just learned that I’m pregnant (first pregnancy!) and although it is a good new and I’m happy about it, a part of me doesn’t feel good about it. After doing a thought download and a model, I realized that the feeling I have is ‘inadequate’ and it comes from the fact that each time I’ve asked my mom if she was looking forward to being a grandma, she inevitably answered ‘when the time comes’. I’m almost sure her intentions were probably to not put pressure, but my brain interpreted it in a total different way.

Here’s my model:

C: I asked my mom if she was looking forward to be a grandma and she answered ‘when the time comes’
T: She thinks I’m not ready to have children
F: Inadequate
A: I tell myself I’m not ready to have children; i tell myself she doesn’t want me to have children; i tell myself i should not be pregnant right now, that it is too soon (which is not considering that i’m 34!); i think being pregnant is a bad thing
R: I don’t appreciate being pregnant (or I feel guilty to be pregnant?)

This is actually really painful and I would love to have your feedback on it.

Thank you so much!