Panic about death

Hi Brooke and team: I may need live or private coaching on this one? But, I’ll start here. Often in the quiet moments – just before bed, or nursing my infant, for example – the thought “I will not exist one day, that is real” comes into my brain. And it sometimes leads to a full on panic attack. Even typing this is making me catch my breath. I have at times gone with the panic attack, hyperventilating and all, allowing myself to feel the feelings. This doesn’t seem to give the feeling and thought less power. Sometimes, I have to literally run around the house to get out of the feeling. Sometimes I can talk it through with my husband. Sometimes I buffer with social media. I haven’t found a good way of coping.

Beyond that terrible moment that I would describe as *visceral fear and dread,* I have dealt with acknowledging my mortality by being a hyper-achiever so that I’m “making the most” of my short time on earth.

And, I have also dealt with this by giving into immobility. Do you have any podcasts or other resources that focus specifically on dealing with the inevitability of death? Here are some models I have done, but I can’t even come up with an intentional one because the C is so utterly terrifying to me that I don’t even want to acknowledge its truth. And I can’t think of an R that I want to have from this C.

C: Death will happen
T: No, I don’t want to die!
F: Panic and terror
A: Full on panic attack or buffer to escape reality
R: Freaked out; I’m either completely immobilized by this thought. Or, I seek to live life to the fullest, which means fitting in too much to each day and feeling bad that I’m “wasting my one precious life.”