SO I’m about to find out if a deal to buy a vacation home is going to fall through and it might be because of me and the fact that I poorly managed one account that lead to this potential outcome. SURE I didn’t know what the banks requirements might be BUT I did think at times that this account could cause issues and that this may happen but was hoping it wouldn’t.

In any event I feel so much anxiety about the prospect of losing the house, untelling everyone that we are no longer getting it and letting the sellers down who I really like.

I’ve noticed that brain is anticipating feeling disappointed if the deal dies. I don’t see any other feeling to expect. I will be disappointed if it falls apart. I DONT want to feel disappointed if the deal dies. I don’t think its a problem to feel negative emotion, I just would not want this to happen 🙁

You asked me to ask myself… how is this situation perfect for me in the present moment??! I have no idea. I want it gone. The deal falling apart is so far from what I want that I really can’t fathom how I can see this is perfect for me right now. Nor do I really want to. I understand that if I feel it, the feeling will pass but I can’t help but resist because it’s an outcome I don’t want to happen. This being in limbo is what’s upsetting me the most.