Parenting a teenager

I need guidance on parenting my teenager. He is 15 years old, dislikes hard work and school but loves playing competitive hockey and hanging with his friends. We have had a rough year with many growing pains and I am struggling.

I don’t want to get into the “story” but in short, he wants to be treated like a child when it comes to responsibility and contribution but like a young adult with privileges and independence. We also have a 9 year old son whom he believes we favour because we don’t expect as much from him and we are not always “yelling” at him. But in my truth, it is because we don’t have to ask our younger son a minimum of 6 times to do something and we do not have to micro-manage every aspect of his life. There is a lot of tension and resentment in our house from both sides. In saying this, I know I am a huge contributing factor as he, unfortunately, is a mini-me and triggers me for so many reasons. I know intellectually I cannot change him and I can only change me, but I have no idea where to start or how to self coach myself through this because it has so many layers. Do you have any insight?!?