Parenting question

Hi Brook or hi to any coach that is reading this. I have signed up for March in February and I have spent quite a bit of time on it and I am already seeing changes in my life. I am very happy with it. I have never been the one to ask too many questions but this time I have asked so many and I am proud of myself and grateful for all of you. Now it feels like I have just stumbled accidentally onto real work that I NEED to do in this course. When I listened to Negativity podcast at the end Tara Henderson had a segment on parenting and oh boy did that hit me over the head. I have 2 boys. 3 and 1 year. As every parent I do my best and for the 1st 2 years I was the calmest parent ever. Now I do some reacting that I don’t like and I do some yelling. I know that we teach our kids by example but still I am trying to teach them so many things and tell them how to do things instead of focussing on myself and being the example. I react to them, especially the old one, I react to my husband. I am in charge of everything and to be honest my family loves and respects me and I don’t need this reactivity in my life. Also I work and kids are in daycare so when we get home at 3 pm my in laws are there so I can devote time to kids. I then feel the need to put laundry in and feed fish and the I want to play with them. The thing is they both want me so if I go to older I feel like I need to be with the younger one and reverse. Then I try to get us to play together and it doesn’t work many times. Honestly my in laws are there and both boys especially the younger one play with them too but I get a bit jealous and I think my kids will feel abandoned it I don’t devote enough attention to them. This is until 5 pm when I am exhausted and their dad is home and I just kind of step away. I know this is a lot but that podcast just hit me so hard and I did the exercises and I scheduled tutoring session I would like to discuss parenting in but I just need to put this on the paper. I tried doing a download and it was not working well. This is working much better. I am writing and crying. I am getting some relief and realisations by just putting this down. If you have any insights please share. Thank you for listening.